i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
