I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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