gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
