Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
