My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am naked and annoyed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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