Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
