She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
im on a boat
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