I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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