Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
