Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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