She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
