If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
