chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
