At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
