Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
