Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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