I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
