last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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