guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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