maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
