I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
