I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
