i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
