i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
