Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
