We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
