i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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