the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
