First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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