If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize