Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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