how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
