I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
