So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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