I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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