Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
