My hand turned me down
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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