Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
