i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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