I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
