Umm I'm too high to move.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
