Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
