I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
