I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
