even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
