the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
