he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
