I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
