I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
