The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
