Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
