So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
