Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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