So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
