i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
kristin has been a bad kristin
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
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i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
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