So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
