i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I enjoy the company of your penis
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