I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
