Me. At least after what I've been through.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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