So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
