An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
