i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
