he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
