Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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