he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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