i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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