This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
