New invention idea: vibrating tampons
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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