I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So here I am, sexting at work.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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