I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
