I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
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what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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