Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
