I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They took my balls.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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