the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
