I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
