Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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