Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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