When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This is classic penis vs brain.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
