I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
