walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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