i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
